Most of my jobs have been terrible. They’ve been fast-paced, low pay, unfulfilling work. Some have involved working with some amazing people. One temporary job involved working with absolutely no one! But largely the experience of getting paid has been one I associate with profound boredom at best and anxiety at worse.
So now that I’ve graduated school and I’m faced with the prospect of doing something with my life, I’ve encountered a strange phenomenon. The idea of monetizing my hobbies is repelling. Sure, I’d rather get paid to do something I love than something I hate. Sure, once I reach a point that I’ve made my hobbies into my work I’m sure I’ll really enjoy it. But there’s a barrier to break through. I don’t want to ‘work’. ‘Work’ is misery. I’ll fill my days with productive activities but I don’t want to ‘work.’
Many personal struggles take a turn for the better once the nature of the struggle has been identified, and personal battles have a sneaky way of going on without one’s knowing. You know something is wrong but you can’t quite identify what. Ever since graduation my life has been pretty much like that. A whole bunch of things have suddenly become wrong but I can’t exactly identify what.
Luckily, I’ve identified this one barrier and now I can find ways to cope. Or at least ways to start, like writing consistently. Also, I’ve decided that it might be helpful for me to run two blogs at once: one for personal thoughts and reflections, one about arts and such especially literature.
Hopefully having one space to vent personal thoughts will make it easier to maintain a more professional portfolio for my writing aspirations.
Okay, back to work- I mean… Back to constructive uses of my time.